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Prologue

Producer David Kestenbaum explains how teachers at his sons’ preschool installed a “tattle phone” where kids could register their complaints about each other. David rigged it up to record those complaints and document the unfairnesses of preschool.

Prologue

If there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, why haven’t we heard from the extraterrestrials yet? Producer David Kestenbaum explains The Fermi Paradox to host Ira Glass. The possibility that we are alone in the universe makes David sad.

Act Two: Hello Kitty

A story by David Sedaris about what happens when natural enemies meet, in an Alcoholics Anonymous program, in prison. This story appears in David's collection of animal fables Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk.

Act One: Wannabe

Writer David Sedaris remembers the days his mother and sister played armchair detective, and the odd crime wave that hit their own home. This story, titled "True Detective," appears in David's book Naked.

Act Eight: Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

David demonstrates — in rhyme — how to make a wedding toast for people you never wanted to see married in the first place. From epsiode #389: Frenemies.The show also includes never-before-heard excerpts from David’s book, Love, Dishonor, Marry, Die, Cherish, Perish: A Novel.